Naivety

I guess being that Philip was in such great shape going into surgery I thought his recovery would be easy simple and we'd be out the door shortly after Dan. And had some issues not arose, we probably would have come home the day after him. What made me think that we would escape any issues? Who the hell did I think I was? 

So naive...

First there was the soft rejection issue that was due to an anti rejection medicine he is on called Prograf, not being the right dose. That was quickly taken care of and so far the liver seems to be doing good. Other than that, The week following transplant was great, then At about 7-8 days post transplant, he started having black stool. Then Philip was restless through one night and woke up in a lot of pain. This is the same kid who never had to use the morphine after surgery and only used Tylenol scarcely up to this point so I knew something must be up. I was sitting in his bed facing him and giving him a drink when he started to gag and vomit everywhere. The whole day he remained lethargic, had cold sweats and was not himself at all. It was the scariest I'd ever seen him before. My mom and sister had happened to come in that day right after the vomit episode

And thank God they were with me. I was a nervous wreck. He was sent for an emergency X-Ray which looked fine and They kept checking his vitals often all day long. They did some blood work and his white blood cell count went up and his hemoglobin dropped. So they were concerned he was getting and infection being he is significantly immuno-compromised. And at the same time concerned he was bleeding in his GI tract somewhere. 

Isn't this part of why we did the surgery to avoid GI bleeds?!!!! What the hell is going on?  The doctor kept coming in overnight and checking his pulse like every hour. They started antibiotics and that seemed to help his white blood count. But they still have no reason for the infection And said the blood count could even Be a side effect of the steroids he's on. The black poop stopped and his hemoglobin went up

So I thought we were on the right track but they returned and his hemoglobin dropped again. There is talk of a transfusion or endoscopy if it continues. Poop is back to normal right now so hopefully it is resolved. They explained that around this time frame, this happens sometimes. Being that the intestines were manipulated in surgery, they are raw and can create ulcers near the connection to the liver. And these bleed sometimes. This is what they believe is happening to Philip. They also think the blood thinners he is on the hell it so there are no clots in the connections to liver is aiding the bleed. So he had to be taken off o those for the time being. They would like to avoid transfusion and endoscopy because there is always a risk of infection and an endoscopy is an invasive procedure. At the same time all this is going on his abdomen is still draining too much fluid called ascites.  He has something called  a JP drain, where a tube is inserted into his abdomen and it drain excess fluid from it. Split livers tend to give off more fluid than whole so it is not out of the ordinary but his body needs to learn to reabsorb the fluid or pee it out. He is not doing that so they are trying diuretics. Unfortunately the drain is also leaking where it is inserted into his abdomen causing quite a mess. They have to change the dressing often and it has irritated his skin so bad. They can not take the drain out or his belly will fill up with fluid and become severely distended. So we wait and hope that the fluid dissipates quickly because that is what is basically keeping us from going home at this point. As well as the hemoglobin. They will re check blood in morning. 

On the other hand, We've had some pretty amazing nurses and staff here. Everyone is so nice and helpful and wants to see Philip do well. 

Philip was eyeing up the play room today but he is not allowed in it with other children. So we were in our room and child life came by and said they cleaned the whole room just for him to have a private play session. They even put a sign on the door. It made him so happy. You could see the rest of the afternoon he was more like himself than any other day. It's going to be a huge transition home because he has become accustomed to my attention and now demands it. I basically can't speak with anyone or he keeps yelling MOMOMOMOMOMOM !!!

And if I try to answer a text or pick up my phone he has a fit. 

Anyway, I hope that one day this week we will be able to come home because if I have to drink anymore ginger ale or eat any more hospital food, I'm going to vomit!

The Big Day

May 10, 2016. A day that we waited for anxiously, nervously, and feared came and went as fast as you can say transplant. 

Me and Philip headed in to the hospital on Monday night to get settled in and have blood work drawn and make sure all was set for the next morning. Philip made himself right at home but he kept saying I want something. When Dr. Chu(his hepatologist) came in, she heard him say that so both she and I asked him what he wanted and he decided on a muffin. A blueberry and chocolate chip to be exact. I told him I couldn't promise I could find one so Dr. Chu said she would ask the kitchen. Five minutes later she came back in the room with a box of muffins from Dunkin Donuts! It made his night! 

We were escorted early the next morning to a holding area where we met up with Dan. It's hard to explain the depth of emotions and anxiety that were going on. Philip fell asleep so he was the only one who was relaxed! There were tons of people asking different questions and saying how amazing what Dan was doing. So we would get very emotional and start crying, pull it together, then Someone else would start saying all these wonderful things and we'd lose it again. 

Then, before I knew it, with two swift kisses, both were being wheeled off into the unknown. 

Dan's coordinator came out a short while later around 8:30 to say they were both sleeping and that Dan had two requests right before he went under for when it was over..."warm food and back rubs". 

Ok, I'll give you "warm" food not "hot"! We were laughing so hard at that. And before I knew it she texted at 11:30 saying Dans piece was almost out! Then around 12, she came out and said Dan would be done in a half hour and they were ready to take Philip's liver out. 

1:30 came and his surgeon came out to say everything went well during surgery and we would likely be able to see Dan in about 2 hours. 

So I ran up to see Dan who looked good. And wouldn't you know, Philips surgeon came while I was up. I missed him by two minutes! He spoke with my sister and said everything went well. His liver was functioning, and he didn't need any blood products. He said it was great timing and that his liver was pretty cirrhotic. And it was going to happen sooner or later and better to do it now while he was fairly healthy and before he went over a cliff so to speak. My sister started crying so I was like why are you crying??!! Then 5 minutes later, it hit me and I was sobbing with my head in my hands in the middle of the waiting room. So much tension released at that minute. I ended up having a headache for three days straight due to all the emotions that day I believe. 

Then it was time to see him. This was a huge fear of mine! We spoke about how he would look very puffy like a Michelin baby and have the breathing tube so  I walked down the hall with clenched teeth waiting to see my puffy baby and as I turned into the room, I saw my sweet sleeping boy and he looked so good. I couldn't believe it. I yelled out "He looks so good!" He wasn't very puffy, he looked healthy, just asleep with a lot of wires hanging off of him. He was still intubated so it was really just sitting and watching him that night and the next day they started to wean him off the sedation so they could take the breathing tube out. 

Which they did around 5:45 on Wednesday night. The first word out of his mouth was scwatch, then I want my baba in a little groggy tiny voice. My heart sank instantly. Isn't this part of the reason we did the surgery to stop the itching and that's what he says first??!! So the itching was not only not gone but it got worse as the night went on. He was scratching like crazy!! I fell asleep for a few minutes and woke up to two nurses scuffling in the room and him crying so I put my glasses on to see him looking at me and he is covered in blood. All over his face and hair like the movie Carrie! I jumped up and they said he's fine mom he just pulled out his "A" line which is a catheter inserted into an artery so they could monitor blood pressure in real time during surgery and then draw blood after. 

So they had to bathe him, change bedding and all of his dressings because he was a mess. I'm surprised my reaction wasn't a little stronger but I had a feeling he would pull something important out even before surgery. So I felt I had to sit up and stare at him the whole night to make sure he didn't get to his central line which was in his neck. The nurse found these cute little mittens or more like boxing gloves for him to wear so he wouldn't get anything else.  

The next day he got to drink water and then eat some jello. His nurse Glynda was amazing. She was so wonderful with him. He didn't like her but she would get him out of bed, go for a ride in the stroller, clean him up, and make him walk.  

Dan was finally feeling well enough to visit the next day. He had a lot of pain and got tired really fast so it was a quick visit. 

By Friday he was allowed to eat, went for a long walk and even got to have a lollipop! And we were moved to a regular floor. 

Over the weekend he started perking up a bit here and there, eating more and being himself. Mostly he wants constant attention and is very demanding! Lol

Everyone keeps saying he looks so good and did this kid even have anything done?! And wouldn't you know his itching has basically disappeared! I haven't heard the word scwatch in 3 days! I'm still crossing my fingers it stays like this!!

Danny came to visit today and that was awesome. He was very nervous at first and didn't want to come in the room because he had to wear a mask to come in. So he hung out in the hall for a little bit then he slowly became comfortable and was talking to Philip. It was so nice to get a huge hug from him.

Unfortunately both Dan and Philip had some jumps in some liver numbers so Dan was not allowed to be discharged today. Philip had to get an ultrasound to to rule out vascular issues and that was found to be ok. We are just waiting to hear word on both so please keep saying some prayers for us. I really need them right now to keep me strong for both my boys. 

Old Worries, New Worries

I just put the boys to bed, and me and Dan were having our usual powwow about how we can't believe its so close. (I'm even hesitant to write anything because Ive been so paranoid someone will get sick beforehand, I can't keep enough anti bacterial in the house or on me. I'm driving everyone insane. )Anyway, back to the story.  So Dan said this is the last night at home before it, and it hit me. I could literally feel a sucker punch in my gut. I just put Philip in his little Thomas bed and it will be the last time pre-transplant. Next time we will spend the night at home, it will be a completely different ball game. Old worries will hopefully vanish but new worries will take their place. And to be honest I am terrified of the new worries, I'm comfortable in my old worries, I know what to expect and what to look for. But with the new worries I know he will have such a better life, and that makes all the worries in the world worth it.
It's a change we welcome as His itching has gotten even worse over the last couple of weeks and we can't wait to give him a chance to be itch free.
I Can't wait to say Bye Bye Biliary Atresia! And all the nastiness that comes with it.
At the same time, I find myself a teeny, tiny little bit sad. I've grown to love his little belly over the last almost three years. A little rub or pat here and there is one of my favorite things to do.

His scabs have been a part of him for so long I've grown to love them when most people look at them in disgust. Him saying "Scwatch" too many times a day to count is such a part of our daily routine I can't imagine life without it.

 But I can't imagine him living like this even more than that. And I am so excited that he will get the chance to hopefully experience that in such a short time thanks to Dan.
And speaking of Dan, how can I even put into words what he will be doing in a couple of days. I know there was never even a second thought to help Philip. He is amazing. I can't thank him enough or tell him how much I appreciate him. I know it is going to be a little rough in the beginning but he has held me up through the last few years so I know this will be nothing for him to get through. I usually rely on him for stability through these things and As crazy as I've made him over the last couple of days, I promise I will be strong enough for all of us.
And Danny, is the best big brother ever. I know he's scared  and he doesn't want us to be away for a while but he just goes with the flow and does whatever we need him to do. He's is such a great helper too. I hope knows how much we love him and what an important part of our family he is.

Thank you to everyone for all the continued support and prayers. I believe they have worked thus far so please keep us in your thoughts on Tuesday. I will try to update as I can.