Old Worries, New Worries

I just put the boys to bed, and me and Dan were having our usual powwow about how we can't believe its so close. (I'm even hesitant to write anything because Ive been so paranoid someone will get sick beforehand, I can't keep enough anti bacterial in the house or on me. I'm driving everyone insane. )Anyway, back to the story.  So Dan said this is the last night at home before it, and it hit me. I could literally feel a sucker punch in my gut. I just put Philip in his little Thomas bed and it will be the last time pre-transplant. Next time we will spend the night at home, it will be a completely different ball game. Old worries will hopefully vanish but new worries will take their place. And to be honest I am terrified of the new worries, I'm comfortable in my old worries, I know what to expect and what to look for. But with the new worries I know he will have such a better life, and that makes all the worries in the world worth it.
It's a change we welcome as His itching has gotten even worse over the last couple of weeks and we can't wait to give him a chance to be itch free.
I Can't wait to say Bye Bye Biliary Atresia! And all the nastiness that comes with it.
At the same time, I find myself a teeny, tiny little bit sad. I've grown to love his little belly over the last almost three years. A little rub or pat here and there is one of my favorite things to do.

His scabs have been a part of him for so long I've grown to love them when most people look at them in disgust. Him saying "Scwatch" too many times a day to count is such a part of our daily routine I can't imagine life without it.

 But I can't imagine him living like this even more than that. And I am so excited that he will get the chance to hopefully experience that in such a short time thanks to Dan.
And speaking of Dan, how can I even put into words what he will be doing in a couple of days. I know there was never even a second thought to help Philip. He is amazing. I can't thank him enough or tell him how much I appreciate him. I know it is going to be a little rough in the beginning but he has held me up through the last few years so I know this will be nothing for him to get through. I usually rely on him for stability through these things and As crazy as I've made him over the last couple of days, I promise I will be strong enough for all of us.
And Danny, is the best big brother ever. I know he's scared  and he doesn't want us to be away for a while but he just goes with the flow and does whatever we need him to do. He's is such a great helper too. I hope knows how much we love him and what an important part of our family he is.

Thank you to everyone for all the continued support and prayers. I believe they have worked thus far so please keep us in your thoughts on Tuesday. I will try to update as I can.